One of the great pervasive myths in society today is that we are entitled to a great life- that miraculously in someway or another someone (certainly not us) is responsible for filling our lives with joy, career fulfillment, a great family life, and blissful relationships simple because we exist.
But the real truth is, there is only one person responsible for the quality of your life.
That person is YOU.
In our post last week "Energy flows where attention goes" we committed to being YOU Inc. and always staying true to yourself.
If you want to be successful, you must take 100% responsibility for everything that you experience in life. This includes your level of achievement, results, the quality of your relationships, the state of your health and physical fitness, your income, your debts, your feelings- absolutely everything.
In fact most of us have been conditioned to blame something outside of us for the parts of our lives we don’t like. We blame our parents, our bosses, our friends, the media, our coworkers, our clients, our spouse, the weather, the economy, our astrological chart, our lack of money- anyone or anything we can pin the blame on.
We never look at where the real problem is- ourselves.
That’s right it all starts with you!
You may be reading this blog and still thinking it’s the students fault you were in a bad mood yesterday or it’s the principal’s fault you haven’t had a chance to eat your recess today.
In Jack Canfield's best selling book The Success Principles, he tells the story of a man who is out walking one night and he comes upon another man who seems to be down on his knees looking for something under a street lamp. The passerby inquires to the other man what he is doing. He answers that he has lost his house key. The passerby joins the man and gets down on his knees and helps him search for the key. After an hour of fruitless searching, he says “We’ve looked everywhere and we haven’t found it. Are you sure you lost it here?”
The other man replies, “No I lost it in my house, but there is more light out here under the street lamp”.
It is time to stop looking outside yourself for the answers to why you haven’t created the life and results you desire, for it is you who creates the quality of your life you lead and the outcomes you produce.
You-stop blaming everything else.
You- no one else!
To achieve major success and fulfillment in your life- to achieve the goals that are most important to you- you must take 100% responsibility for you life. Nothing less will do.
It all starts with your attitude.
99% of all failures come from people who have a habit of making excuses.
Today is the day to take 100% responsibility of your life. That means giving up all the victim stories, all the reasons why you can’t and why you haven’t up until now, and all the blaming of outside circumstances.
You have to understand that you have always had the power to make it different, to learn from mistakes, to get it right and produced the desired result. For whatever reason- ignorance, lack of self awareness, fear, the need to be right, the need to feel safe- you chose not to excerise that power.
Who knows why? It doesn’t matter. The past is the past. All that matters is that from this point forward you choose- that’s right its a choice- you choose the attitude and the approach. You are 100% responsibile for everything that does or doesn’t happen to you.
Dr Robert Resnick, a psychologist in Los Angeles, created a very simple formula that makes the idea of taking 100% responsibility even clearer. The formula is:
E + R= O
Event + Response= Outcome
The basic principle is that every outcome you experience in life (whether it is success or failure, wealth or poverty, sickness or health, intimacy or loneliness, joy or frustration etc.) is the result of how you have responded to an earlier event or events in your life.
If you don’t like the outcomes you are getting, you have two choices:
You can blame the Event(E) for your lack of results (O).
For example, you can blame the weather, economy, lack of money, lack of education, racism, government, gender and so on.
If you’re a teacher you could blame your lack of resources for not being motivated and energetic and hating your job.
No doubt these factors all exist, but if they were the deciding factor, nobody would ever succeed.
For every reason why it’s not possible, there are hundreds of people who have faced the same circumstances and succeeded.
It just takes a shift in your response aka your attitude.
You can instead simply change your response (R ) to the events (E)- the way things really are- until you get the outcomes (O) you desire.
You can change your thinking, your communication, change the pictures you hold in your head, your self talk, your behaviour- the things you do. This is all you really have control over anyway.
Unfortunately, so many of us are run by our habits that we never change our behaviour.
We get stuck with our conditioned responses- to our students, staff, partners, friends, children, parents and the world at large.
You have to regain control of your thoughts, images, dreams and day dreams, and your attitude. Everything you think, say and do needs to become intentional and aligned with your purpose, your values and your goals.
Today we are providing you with a short and simple approach and attitude check. This is a 5 min activity created by SMILE Teachers to help you check in and consider how your attitude is influencing your outcomes.
Remember, Event + Response = Outcome.
The attitude you have is your response to the circumstances in your life, how you are responding, determines the results you are receiving.
Joining us at our Mindset Maneuver workshop in Perth or online, on the 5th of October will help you regain control of your life. Today we share a little bit of the magic of shifting your mindset.
Read the statements in bold and reflect on how well you exhibit that attitude, outlined in plain text is what that attitude looks like in action. If you are showing any of the warning signs (in italics) it is time to regain control and take 100% responsibility of your life.
Take care of yourself, because no one else will
Don’t rely on others to meet your needs. Be responsible for yourself.
Put yourself first and consider your needs.
You can’t remember the last time you compromised
You don’t always keep your commitments to others because you have more important things to do- you can make time for people later.
You thinking keeping your priorities straight means putting yourself first.
“You can’t hire someone else to do the push ups for you”
If you don’t ask for what you want, you won’t get it.
Work hard, be assertive and don’t be afraid to pursue the things you want in life.
You ask for opportunities or rewards without doing the work to show for them.
You think it’s okay to break the rules when you need to (e.g cutting the line if you’re late) yet you get angry when others don’t follow them.
You feel jealousy or resentment when people seem more fortunate but less deserving than you.
Everyone is entitled to his own opinion.
We should be understanding of each others differences.
You get stubborn and defensive in disagreements.
You take offense when people don’t acknowledge the value of what you are saying.
You sometimes dismiss other peoples opinions- if you think they are wrong and you ignore what they have to say.
Life is short.
Make everything you do count. Make the most of what you have.
You get what you want, even at the expense of others. You think they should respect your determination.
You expect people to be happy for your joy’s and successes. You think they’re unsupportive if not.
You make plans without others who might be involved.
Today we will finish with a fabulous fable about attitude. This is a truly powerful way to inspire you and your students to take 100% responsibility of your lives.
A Fable About Attitude
Once upon a time a daughter complained to her father that her life was miserable and that she didn't know how she was going to make it. She was tired of fighting and struggling all the time. It seemed just as one problem was solved, another one soon followed. Her father, a chef, took her to the kitchen. He filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire.
Once the three pots began to boil, he placed potatoes in one pot, eggs in the second pot and ground coffee beans in the third pot. He then let them sit and boil, without saying a word to his daughter. The daughter, moaned and impatiently waited, wondering what he was doing. After twenty minutes he turned off the burners. He took the potatoes out of the pot and placed them in a bowl. He pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. He then ladled the coffee out and placed it in a cup.
Turning to her, he asked. “Daughter, what do you see?” “Potatoes, eggs and coffee,” she hastily replied.
“Look closer”, he said, “and touch the potatoes.” She did and noted that they were soft. He then asked her to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard-boiled egg.
Finally, he asked her to sip the coffee. Its rich aroma brought a smile to her face.
“Father, what does this mean?” she asked.
He then explained that the potatoes, the eggs and coffee beans had each faced the same adversity-the boiling water. However, each one reacted differently. The potato went in strong, hard and unrelenting, but in boiling water, it became soft and weak. The egg was fragile, with the thin outer shell protecting its liquid interior until it was put in the boiling water. Then the inside of the egg became hard. However, the ground coffee beans were unique. After they were exposed to the boiling water, they changed the water and created something new.
“Which one are you?” he asked his daughter. “When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a potato, an egg, or a coffee bean?”
We can't wait to share more about taking 100% responsibility of your life at our upcoming workshop the Mindset Manoeuvre book you spot today! Places are limited.